Missing someone

I try to be the happy go lucky person among my friends, they come to me when they need to vent, they say I cheer them up and always want to hang out. I have two jobs supporting myself and as much as I love my friends I never ever get to have time to myself. It's so exhausting being the positive energy when it's not even genuine inside. I've stopped drinking so much this past month but tonight I said fuck it. My dad died 10 years ago and it feels like yesterday, every day of my life.